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Being invited to do a TEDx Talk (  has most definitely been a highlight of my career so far. (1) The only problem was, I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to ‘Talk’ about!

I needed to have an ‘idea worth sharing’.  I’ve been banging on about why dispute resolution is saner than using the court system for years, but that is hardly an original concept.  Even if it is still a message that needs to be continuously shouted from the rooftops.

I wondered… why IS it exactly, that peaceful divorce is seen as so impossible by so many? What is it about the word ‘peace’ that people seem to have so much trouble with?

So, I did a test on myself. I thought of someone I was in conflict with. I then asked myself – what would it feel like to find a more peaceful resolution to this situation?

And there it was. The harsh truth.  Even though I know from personal experience that ‘peace’ is not fluffy – the first thoughts that came into my head were: failure; giving in; losing out.

Perhaps the concept that peace is some kind of a cop-out is so embedded in our subconscious that even when we try to make things less confrontational, we often fail.

When working as a Divorce Strategist with people trying to navigate a better way to divorce, I do notice quite a lot of self-sabotage. By helping clients to see what’s happening, and adjusting their ‘strategies’ – then they can achieve less conflict which equates to significantly smaller legal bills, better co-parenting, and happier healthier lives. Conflict damages everyone involved, often taking a serious toll on their health.

So, suitably humbled and much enlightened, I finally had ‘an idea worth sharing’.  I delivered my TEDx talk in December 2019 and I did make one of the audience cry – she later told me that the talk had helped her move from a desire to have her husband assassinated (which she had been telling the other audience members all about during the break), to thinking differently – and more productively – about how to manage her divorce going forwards. (2)

I hope the ideas I share in my TEDx Talk go on to change a few other minds in the coming years.

(1) TED Conferences LLC (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is an American media organization that posts talks online for free distribution under the slogan “ideas worth spreading”. TED was conceived by Richard Saul Wurman  in February 1984 as a conference; it has been held annually since 1990.[ TED’s early emphasis was on technology and design, consistent with its Californian origins. It has since broadened its perspective to include talks on many scientific, cultural, political, and academic topics.

(2) see a recent blog from Suzy which deals with this –